literature

Link 9, Chain 3a, Set 7

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RedDragonfly's avatar
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Literature Text

only the shadow
of a porpoise leaping-
sunset sea
Another link the the haiku chain-
Reply to Totipotent: [link]

-THE HAIKU CHAIN GANG CHALLENGE-
[link]


This is a starting verse (hokku) of a renga (a linked poem). What I would like is for poets out there to write a haiku in response to this poem, to continue the renga. I would like to get as many responses as possible to this poem (the more the better). Then, I will add all the poem-responses as links below in the Artists Comments. In the Artist Comments to your posted reply-poem let people know that you would like them to respond to your poem, and to post the response. Then start putting links to all the responses in your Artists Comments. And so on, and so on. Hopefully it will become like a pick-a-path renga, in which there will be multiple replies to this poem, each a path to follow. And then on each new poem there will be multiple paths to follow as well. And so on...

Please check with me if I haven't explained this well. If you partake cut and paste the above and then wait to see the paths develop. So - here are the rules:

1. Reply to this poem in haiku form.
2. Then post the poem as a new deviation called "Link 2: Haiku Chain Gang" and include the instructions and rules. Obviously replies to your poems will be called "Link 3" and replies to those would be "Link 4" so on.
3. Make sure to put a link to the poem you are responding to in the Artist Comments too.
3. Then leave a comment and link for the poem you are responding too so that they can add it to their Artists Comments.
4. Then wait to see more poems arrive and add them to the Artists Comments.
5. And so on.
© 2009 - 2024 RedDragonfly
Comments7
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SOLARTS's avatar
This is a great image, though I have a slight suggestion. I feel that we could break this in two to give it a juxtaposition like so:

watching the shadows-
a porpoise leaps
in the sunset

I changed the second 'of the' in second line (of the porpoise leaping) to remove the sentence word (of) and the repetition of 'the' three times. I think the poem can handle the in the first and last line, but not three times. Replaced it with 'a'. Then there is a double reading opened - you are watching shadows in general at sunset, and then a porpoise leaps in the sunset (changed it from leaping to leaps, just because leaping sounded funky once I removed 'of the';) and the shadow is inferred. One more possible suggestion - I quite liked this:

watching the shadows
a porpoise leaps
into the sunset

?? Dunno. Any thoughts?